Our first family photo! ❤️🌟💙 (at gundo)
Our first family photo! ❤️🌟💙 (at gundo)
Ok Friday. ☕️💦 #startuplife (at ONEHOPE Wine)
“No, this is NOT great while I’m still young! It’s great for the rest of my life! You don’t understand. This is not just a thing I’m doing to kill time. This is my calling! My life! I don’t want what you have. I will always be an adventurer.”
Always be an adventurer.
Go. Leap. I promise you.. It’s worth it.
“Let’s make better mistakes tomorrow. Let’s scratch our heads and give up and wake up and try it again. Let’s fail at digging the well the first three times to get it right the fourth. Let’s build faster horses, and then strap rocket ships onto them. Let’s start a company, let’s watch it fail, and then let’s start another one.
Let’s be the boss. Let’s take the boss down. Let’s order too much of something just to see where our limits are. Let’s take a chance precisely because it might fail. Let’s take the hard way out. Let’s go to the moon. Fuck it; let’s go to the moon again. Let’s quit our jobs. Let’s work at being better at what we do by fucking up faster, not less. Let’s fuck up really fast. Let’s wrestle sharks, fight monsters, and disagree with the board. Let’s borrow so much money it becomes someone else’s problem. Let’s start a 10-hour drive by announcing “I’m not into you anymore.” Let’s dump everything out of the garage onto the sidewalk and build something really cool in that space. Let’s start out to build a better mousetrap, and halfway there let’s decide to jump on the mice’s team. Let’s bet on a longshot. Let’s buy her a drink. Let’s start baking bread in our cubicle. Let’s try bringing fresh water to distant villages precisely because we have no idea how to do it. Let’s pool our money. Let’s take their money. Let’s solve that hard problem. You know that one that keeps you up at night? Let’s tackle that bastard. Let it kick our ass a few times, and then finally get it right. Let’s find out what’s at the bottom of the ocean. Let’s tame the Kraken. Let’s just fucking tell people we’ve read Infinite Jest and move on. Let’s forgive our parents. Let’s do something with the goddamned planet. Let’s rent an electric generator and open a food cart that sells nothing but frosted PopTarts, but makes a lot of fucking noise. Let’s have a breakthrough. Let’s have a breakdown. Let’s agree that bruises fade, bones heal, hearts mend, and that tomorrow we’re right back on that horse and that this time, THIS TIME! we’ve at least got a rocket strapped to its back.”
- Mike Monteiro (Artwork and essay.)
A dedication to those people…
To those people who acknowledge your soul but indulge your tendencies. Without judgement. With a chuckle.
To those people who identify with and validate you, regardless of how fucking crazy you yourself know you sound.
To those people who believe in you, especially when you yourself don’t.
To those people, who selflessly know its time to let you go to fly on your own, when it’s so much easier for them (and you) to hold you close.
To those people who unquestionably are there. Through the tears and the pain, through the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. Through the summer AND the winter. Through the best and the worst.
These are the people who have been here with me throughout the past five years and those I will truly treasure with all of my heart forever. There simply isn’t enough gratitude in the world for me to convey. There is only “thank you.” There is only “I love you.” There is only “see you soon.”
Ah new York. You beautiful, mercurial city. What would I do without you. You never cease to be a prominent character in my life, and you never disappoint with your charisma. Whether soul-swelling love or dire hatred, you are one of the few things in my life that I will love unconditionally forever. You have the charm that rivals a first love and the temper that rivals even the most furious mother. You never cease to amaze me with your energy, your passion, your downright arrogant (yet completely accurate) confidence that you truly are the best in the world.
I need a break, though, because I haven’t appreciated you as you deserve. You’ve been tough on me and I’m ready for the days when I’m pining to come back to you. To be swallowed by your pulsing energy and dubious humans. Coming back as a visitor will allow my heart to swell with that irreplaceable I love new York feeling that you truly deserve.
You will always be a part of me. You will always be the place I met the love of my life, had the most amazing first two years, the most difficult last two years, and held some of the most precious people in my life. You are a kindred spirit.. One who loves her ups and downs and who passionately ebbs in accordance with her surroundings. You are resilient. You are crass. You are unforgiving. But you are also one of the warmest and most loyal.
I came here because I knew the woman I demanded myself to be and you helped me become her. You no doubt have influenced and shaped me for the rest of my life, and for that I am forever indebted.
I’ll be back to you again. And not just as a visitor. You are far too enticing for me to stay away long.
Thank you for teaching me so much about my own ability to persevere. Thank you for embedding in me a true work ethic. Thank you for housing some of the most interesting humans in the world.
I love you new York. Thank you for loving me back.
"I’m so glad I live in New York City and not in the United States."
50 reasons to love new york:
50. Sending your laundry out for someone else to wash and dry it is not only convenient, it’s just good business. Especially since you will probably never own a washer and dryer. Which means you never have to feel guilty about not doing your own laundry. Next.
49. Drinking coffee four times a day, every day, isn’t the exception, it’s the rule.
48. The secret Chick Fil-A at the NYU dining hall.
47. There is always someone crazier than you. ALWAYS.
46. The view from the Brooklyn Bridge.
45. The view of the Brooklyn Bridge.
44. The epic feeling you get running to catch a train and succeeding…just before the doors close.
43. Bored to Death. 30 Rock. SNL. And a million other things that film here and we love. RIP Law and Order.
42. Manhattan-Brooklyn/Brooklyn-Manhattan wars never cease to entertain. Nor do hipster-Hasid wars. Or hipsters in general.
41. We get the inside jokes. Because, actually, we made them up in the first place.
40. That horrified look on our parents’ friends’ faces when we tell them we live in “Hell’s Kitchen.”
39. Sure, we work out next to Alec Baldwin, Padma Lakshmi, and Bridget Moynahan, and walk the streets with Willem Dafoe, Maggie Gyllenhaal, and Tina Fey, but, really, we’re kinda too busy with our own lives to notice.
38. Drinking is like breathing. Or slightly more acceptable.
37. Because it’s not enough to just love New York. New York needs to love you back, too. Hey, we have high standards.
36. Whatever you need, whenever you need it, there is someone who will bring it to you for a price, which may or may not be negotiable. (Or legal.)
35. By the time the rest of the nation has bedbugs, we’ll have figured out how to get rid of them. In the meantime, we’ll mock them by dressing our dogs up as bedbugs for Halloween. Laugh in the face of fear, New Yorker!
34. There are almost 200 bars in the East Village alone.
33. There’s no shortage of stupid rich people to make fun of.
32. The endless delights of the New York Post.
31. You don’t even need a passport, or a license, to partake in goat-eyeball tacos.
30. The fact that one-bedroom apartments cost an average minimum of a half-million dollars means we think nothing of spending $12 on lunch.
29. Restaurants are as common as single men and women. And equally diverse. And you never have to see either of them again after the initial awkward encounter.
28. The omnipresent opportunity to Gaga-ify yourself. And the chance that it will seem, just, normal.
27. Runnin’ Scared lives here! (And so does the Village Voice.)
26. Smart people are the norm, not the exception. (Which doesn’t mean they’re sane, but at least no one’s boring.)
25. Except in select ‘hoods like Park Slope and perhaps the Upper West Side, children are viewed as mysterious beings, rarely sighted and only occasionally understood, like pixies or magical small butlers. Until they scream, in which case, they are banished from the palace.
24. When you fly back into the city after a vacation or business trip, no matter how long you’ve lived here, you get that butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling.
23. Efficiency in a drugstore checkout line.
22. How easy it is to find doughnuts, pizza, Chinese food, or any other snack your drunken self desires at 4 a.m. Or to continue to drink. Responsibly!
21. Broadway. Museums. CULTCH-AH. Even if you never actually go to see anything (though you should, at least once).
20. Yelling “fuck” is just a mild obscenity.
19. There’s no shame in sticking your fingers in your ears like an anal weirdo when an ambulance goes by screeching.
18. Summer concerts at the Williamsburg Waterfront.
17. So many Missed Connections, so little time.
16. Other places have dog and cat people. We have ferret people.
15. The splendor of the Union Square Greenmarket.
14. A bagel with cream cheese and lox from Russ and Daughters.
13. There is an insane Korean day spa (Spa Castle) waiting for you in Flushing. And Russian and Turkish baths in the East Village.
12. One of our bars has 100-year-old urinals.
11. Complain about the MTA, but you can get anywhere in the city for just $2.25. Or $2.50 single ride, come 2011. Still pretty damn cheap.
10. Subway rage. Bike-lane rage. Walking rage. Random rage. These are our therapy. Although we all go to therapy, too. No judgments! We bitch, therefore we are.
9. Jaywalking is an art form.
8. The free Ikea ferry to Red Hook on weekends! Plus, Red Hook in general. Can you say “Lobster pound”?
7. Subway “prewalking,” in which you walk to the exact right spot on the platform to board the train car that will save you the most time upon exit, exists and has a name. Gotta respect.
6. You can be alone, but never feel lonely. And vice versa. But if you die and aren’t found until a year later, you won’t be the first.
5. We are, as a group, anti-fanny-pack as much as we are pro-gay-marriage. Hetero marriage, on the other hand, we can pretty much take or leave.
4. 35 is the new 26. Or is it 45? Whatever, age ain’t nuthin’ but a number, and as long as you’re younger than your IQ score, no harm, no foul.
3. Finding your “local” is that much better here.
2. There is absolutely no reason to ever drink and drive. Added bonus: Spontaneous, fascinating conversations with cab drivers.
1. If you can make it here, you really can make it anywhere. But why would you bother to go anywhere else?
It’s 3am on the dot and, like clockwork, I am wide awake for the 14th day in a row. I thought this would end once I had turned in my papers and really wrapped up the academic demands in my life. We plan and god laughs.
It’s clear that there is more going on here. There is something inside of me that is dying to get out. This passionista won’t rest until she’s heard… Even if that means getting virtually no sleep until that happens.
Sigh. No surprise there.
So here we go. Returning to the place that got me to where I am. Cycles and circles. All blessings.
I need to start by acknowledging my sadness. I’m sad that this journey is coming to an end. It has been a tumultuous two years in all facets of my life and it’s been a time when I could be unusually selfish and focused on myself.
Grad school truly is a beautiful time in one’s life to be able to hone in on exactly what one needs, wants, and is passionate about.. And where you can surround yourself exclusively with like-minded people. As much as I have complained about the workload (it was all self-induced anyway), it’s been a joy and a privilege to have these two years to grow so much. I feel poised to jump into my next endeavor and I honestly can’t wait for that journey to start. I just need to mourn this one ending a little bit longer.
By the same token, graduating from graduate school is a very somber experience because I am again truly alone in this journey. All of us are. In undergrad we all took the step together, we all had to find jobs but there wasn’t the same pressure (or frankly, financial need) to find a career as there is in this moment. The expectation is that this is truly the first day of the rest of your life and it certainly feels like the rest of my life is adulthood.
Symbolically, this is the end of the playtime in my career and personal life. It feels like I have to buckle down and go confidently in the direction of my dreams. And frankly, that terrifies me.
What if I fail/suck/ disappoint my family/ disappoint myself? What if I hate it! What if it was all a huge mistake to go back to school and I’ve squandered two years and $80,000 on yet another bad decision? Unfortunately only time will tell and, whether I sleep peacefully through the night or not, that day is still coming very very soon. It’s pretty clear why my 3am wake ups are happening. My body doesn’t want that day to come quite yet.
The crazy thing is, though, the biggest lesson I’ve learned is to trust myself. To listen to this unforgiving gut feeling and, is the words of Sheryl Sandberg, lean into my career and passions and only good things will come in return. I know I can be really good at this. I know I’m going to find my pace. I know it’s going to be a struggle, but I also know I love me a challenge.
So, this is the biggest challenge I’ve put on myself yet. And there is certainly a huge risk of failure. But with huge risk comes great reward, and I’m really going to have to earn it.
It’s a crazy couple of weeks ahead but I’m slowly getting there. My stomach is catching up with my heart and I’m feeling that familiar burst of warmth in my chest just thinking about the amazing things that are just around the corner.
From anxiety to sheer joy, this journey has been the most challenging yet. It’s time for me to lean into my life now and open my eyes to all of the amazing things happening around me everyday.
Seeking beauty, peace, and love, I’m off to my next adventure.
Clear eyes, full hearts. Can’t lose.
"You cannot compartmentalize. Your work is your love is your body is your spirit is your life. You are not fractions of a whole" - mitchell wade
If it doesn’t feel uncomfortable at first, you probably didn’t make a big enough change
“This is no time for ease and comfort. It is time to dare and endure.”